Some porn addicts live out their entire lives without developing any kind of a relationship with a real woman. They can't relate to women as friends, coworkers or partners.
Why does this happen?
Porn addiction can be viewed as the last stage of an intimacy disorder. The basic characteristic of this disorder is that one is simply afraid to get close to anyone. And this fear can approach the level of terror.
Porn addiction revolves around imaginary women or women who are paid for sexual favours because the transactional nature of the interactions creates an element of safety for the porn addict. He is safe, because he is in control. And he needs to be in control because of his need to protect himself against a possible emotional injury.
A real woman goes through emotional ups and downs. She can get upset. She may need emotional support. She may have a lot going on in her own life and be temporarily unavailable to her partner.
A porn addict cannot tolerate these aspects of a real relationship. He has so much within him that needs healing that he cannot go with the emotional flow of a normal relationship. And when he cannot go with the flow, which happens to be most of the time, he is afraid.
This fear is reactive. The porn addict does not know what he is afraid of. He simply feels an extreme discomfort when he has to give emotionally.
This fear is persistent and the porn addict feels that the only way to deal with it is to plunge into pornographic relationships with women instead of real ones. A pornographic relationship can be interrupted when the porn addict is done for the day. No emotional giving is required.
Real relationships require people to get to know each other. A porn addict is convinced that this process is a waste of time. He is certain that he is getting all of his emotional needs met through pornography. The illusion of comfort created by porn is completely convincing to someone with porn addiction.
The longer a porn addict remains in the web of porn, the more difficult and unimaginable the process of a real relationship seems to him. The porn addict "knows" that real relationships are way more trouble than they are worth.
It can be said that a porn addict's relationship muscles become atrophied over time. And because of this, he becomes increasingly afraid of getting hurt by women. This fear is visceral. Whenever faced with women, a porn addict gets an overwhelming urge to get himself away from them.
The volume of fear grows. As it does, so does the necessity for being comforted. And the addict turns to porn for relief. This becomes a vicious circle. The more the addict runs the more porn he needs. The more porn he gets, the more he runs.
The end of this cycle is complete emotional exhaustion. In a state of psychological paralysis it is impossible to generate income, necessary to maintain the addiction. And it is then that the addict discovers the magnitude of what he has lost: himself.
Do not wait until porn addiction completely drains you. Help is available. Reach for it today.
